I refuse to make myself do things. Being in His presence and being His kid is enough.
I won’t rush to get out of the honeymoon and back to work.
I’m a doer. I can very successfully use my own willpower to make good choices. That is, until the strain is too much and I give up entirely for a couple days or a week. But then I can pick it right back up. Back to being so very responsible.
So, a few years ago when Daddy told me to “stop trying to fix myself”, to stop trying period, I had a hard time understanding. Am I not supposed to live a good lifestyle? Living worthy of the calling I have and all that? Daddy kept whispering “abide” though, so I did. Instead of working on my check-list of things I knew I needed to change in myself and my life, I just hung out with Jesus. I didn’t make plans or set goals or any of those great things you’re supposed to do for a productive life. I hung out with Jesus.
Somewhere in that hanging out I felt like Daddy wanted me to get my Bachelor’s degree, so I started college. The perfect jobs for me happened into my path. I did what was put in front of me and hung out with Jesus. Over and over again, I experienced moments of stopping and realizing that issue within myself that had bothered me so much a few months ago had stopped. That sin or relational problem, etc, was gone. But I hadn’t done anything. I had danced around to a lot of worship music because that was fun and listened to sermons because they were blowing my mind, but I hadn’t done anything. It was like Eric Johnson said, “my responsibility is to keep my face set on Him. If I do that, He takes care of the rest” (Christ in You, p. 84).
This didn’t just happen with sin issues or emotional stuff, though. My craving for foods started changing. I suddenly wanted to learn how to make veggies in ways that I liked. I fell in love with green smoothies. I was craving healthy food. My brain started planning balanced meals without me intentionally working at it. I still ate what I wanted, but what I wanted switched to healthy foods.
I moved to a new state and my roommate was like, “Wow! You are such a healthy eater!” I was confused. I wasn’t a healthy eater. I was the girl who loves cookies. But I looked at the groceries I had purchased and it was a fridge full of fruits and veggies. All my pants were feeling loose. I went to try on my favorite brand of jeans to see if mine had just gotten too old and stretched out, and the size that fit me was two sizes smaller. This stuff just happened. I didn’t do anything. The only thing I was intentional about was hanging out with Daddy and pursuing Him.
This keeps happening in my life. I pursue God, and everything else is added unto me. I let go of the obligation to fix myself and instead focus of falling in love with my King-Lover and all that other stuff just falls off of me. Picture the Wemmicks in You Are Special by Max Lucado. That’s what’s been happening to me. It’s basically Romans 12:1-2 (MSG) “So here’s what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life – your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life – and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for Him. . . Fix your attention on God. You’ll be changed from the inside out” (emphasis added).